Tuesday, July 16, 2013

I Dream Of Sabotage

I had an interesting dream last night. I was part of a group that had several sisters from a wealthy family. They were all young, very beautiful and chic, raised to expect life to be a series of wonderful things. They did fun, rich girl things like shopping and going out to fancy dinners. 

Somehow or another, I knew them and one of the sisters and I were out at a market doing some shopping.  We saw beautiful artwork and she talked me into buying some trapezoid shaped mirrors made by a lesser known artist. I got the two mirrors and some other items. Later, the mirrors were missing. The young woman tells me that her sister, whom I also know, stole them as usual, to give money to her boyfriend so he could buy her dinner. He is poor and insecure and this has always been a problem. Her parents let her use credit cards, but don't approve of the young man, so if she buys their dinner, it adds to the problem.

Later, we all went out for a meal. At a nice place. Everyone had the habit of ignoring the thefts this girl has committed so that they could keep carrying on as it were. We are all at this table, dressed very chic, drinking large delicate glasses of rare and expensive wine.

I turn to the younger sister and I tell her that I know she stole my mirrors. Another sister interrupts and tells me that they found out the mirrors were worth a lot of money, dozens of times more than I paid for them and that they were worth selling. I told the girl that it doesn't matter,  that she had made her decision on what she had done, and that I expected all of the money back. The money that they are really worth. 

The room stops. The clinking of glasses and silver forks onto expensive china, the rustle of designer jeans and the tapping of thousand dollar shoes on the floor- it all goes quiet. I look calmly at everyone and say that while I would rather not have someone steal my belongings in the first place, I despise that they would all go so far as to continually cover this up, and that upon finding out their worth, I expect full repayment. There are a lot of heads down, embarrassed and contrite. 

The young woman has a look of shock, but not anger. She never expected to be called out. Then I tell her boyfriend that if he is too insecure to have a woman buy him dinner, their relationship is doomed. They will either never do anything he cannot afford, which means she will have to give up a lifestyle she is obviously willing to do anything to protect, or they will end up in jail for the things they do to keep the charade going. I turn back to her and tell her that if she cannot support herself on her own, and always needs her parents' approval, she will be trapped and forced to live out someone else's view of her life.

Almost, but not quite to my surprise, everyone relaxes. The decision is made that I will be repaid the enormous sum of money the items are truly worth and that it will be the payment for a lesson well learned. We go back to eating our meal. No one is storming out angry. No beautiful glasses of wine are thrown at anyone. The dim lighting is still just as beautiful and we are still having just as great a time. 

I knew in the first place that this outburst on my part could create problems, especially among people who keep appearances up. Especially with all of them together, those who had continually covered up these situations before. And yet, I still said it. I woke from the dream feeling a huge weight lifted. 

I feel like this is how I live my life in general. I say the things that no one wants anyone to say out loud. I sabotage the picturesque with my machete, cutting through overgrown weeds of bullshit and secrets and lies. I hate the semblance of perfection put on by people who are afraid of the truth. I always find myself wanting to stab through the wall that pretends to be the clouds and ocean and horizon, telling you that it goes on forever, and not to try to look further. 

I know better. And most of the time, when I show people, they are glad. Relieved. Living the secrecy and the lies and the pretending is a burden. Free yourselves. Call them out. Yes, you may encounter someone who only wanted to think the earth was flat. But at least you will know then and there just who and what they really are. That kind of information is much more useful than the smokescreen they have been showing you.

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