Thursday, July 18, 2013

I'm Such A Dick

Now, now... this is no time for giggling, 7th graders! This is going to be a serious discussion. Get your dick out of your ear.

I am a total dick. I have no trouble admitting it, and in fact I state it quite often. To people who not only don't think I am a dick, but who also understand why some other people do. And that is totally OK. Here lies the dilemma we all face- do you do/say/think what you really want or do you do what others want for you? If you choose your own way, someone will think you are a dick. Guaranteed. I'm here to tell you that you can empty your hands of caring what they think, and how I justify doing so. Feel free to borrow/steal in perpetuity:

There are several reasons people might think I am a dick. All of them are a result of their entitlement issues and expectations. You read that right; THEIR ENTITLEMENT ISSUES. I know readers of this little tiny publication have grown accustomed to the thought that I have entitlement issues, but I have done some soul searching and I learned something. I take issue with people expecting me to be in servitude to their bad manners. It would appear that the issues belong to those who would even believe they could do that.

People who expect others to treat them in some special way because of their propensity for whining and getting along in life by inconveniencing others have issues. I can't begin to tell you the weight off my shoulders from realizing that I am not the source of this problem. Granted, I will be responsible for the waves that are made. I take that responsibility seriously. And I lick every last minute of it off of my fingertips while said whiner squirms in discomfort when I don't hand them the ability to decide how I react.

Furthermore, I expect certain things, as do most people. The difference comes when your expectations infringe on another's in such as way as to put them out, to knock them off of their axis. When you think that whatever you want trumps what someone else wants or needs, and are willing to do something rude or immoral or unethical to get your way, I will be there to let you know I saw that. I will call your bluff, I will hold your feet to the fire, I will call attention to the situation and I will get resolution. I expect people to test my capacity for this on a daily basis, so you might want to expect to have to deal with me if you cross my path. It is a mistake you will not soon forget. A lesson you will take with you for life.

I will not let you hold my sanity hostage. I will not allow you to bite my tongue for me. I will not stand idly by and watch while people are mistreated and keep quiet lest I interrupt your views on how a 'lady should behave'. You don't like how I'm acting? Fine. Call me a dick. It will end up saying much more about you than it does about me. I encourage all people of the world to stand up and be a dick. Don't let people invade your space, talk down to you, ding your car, knock you over and steal your purse. Make sure they know. Letting people mistreat you teaches them to do it again.

 If this is why you think I'm a dick- because I won't hesitate to let you know that what you are asking/doing is unreasonable and inappropriate...? You won't believe the size of my erection when I find you lying to me. Better get a butt plug, this dick is coming for your ass!

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